i bought the new murakmi book, haven’t started it though. hope to find time to read it eventually.
i have a show at the hideout next friday (aug 22nd), which is the record release for the record i finished with my band a year ago.
i was on tour a week ago. the east coast is cool. philly cheese steaks taste awesome.
i still think about things.
i haven’t use this thing in forever. but i’m gonna use this to write about my feels, like everyone else does on this site (or how used to write on this site when i was in college) usually when i actually type it out, i tend to phase it out of my mind. maybe it well help.
the last few weeks have not been the easiest days. about a month ago a person broke up with me. sure not the most devastating thing in the world, but to honest this was first experience dealing with something like that. sure i’ve been told by girls that they didn’t like me and wanted to be friends. sure i had my bad days afterwards, but that comes with the aftermath. back i usually bounce back, okay with life.
but i don’t know this one feels different.
long story short, this was a girl i met in high school that i basically friend-zoned because i was a stupid kid back in high school (and didn’t know what i wanted and incredibly stupid with relationships). over the years, somehow i would find myself talking to this girl again. in college we reconciled, met up once and it just didn’t feel right. meet again about a month ago, and at the time we just clicked. i don’t know what it was but what i say now - no what ifs.
so i went for it and it was nice. didn’t last very long, but it was really nice just to be on the same personal level as someone for once- not having to change yourself for someone else, just enjoying the company of another person. honestly, that was happiness.
but things end.
and here i am now, the first few weeks were terrible, i’ve never looked at my phone screen to wait for a response, but now more weeks later i still look at my phone for some sign of life, accepting that this relationship has hit some sort of finality.
i mean everyday i think about it which kind of sucks. i mean everyday it hurts less, but it still hurts.
so i don’t know where i am now, not as lost - but still trying to find balance again. time i guess and see what the universe has in mind. right?
well these are feels.